Today, I had a client who grew up hearing her mother say: "Your legs are like an elephant’s," "You walk like a duck."
She’s an adult now. She has a loving husband who tells her, "You’re beautiful." When she complained about gaining 10 kg, he simply said, "That just means there’s more to love."
But inside, she doesn’t hear him—she still hears her mother. She feels ashamed of herself, hides in photos, catches glimpses of her reflection in every shop window.
We worked on this during our session. And at one point, a realization came: these thoughts aren’t hers. They were given to her. Planted in her. And she carried them for so long that they started to feel like her own.
But the phrase "Love yourself" doesn’t help when the voice inside keeps whispering that something is wrong with you.
What can you do?
First, notice it. Pause and listen. What words are playing inside?
Second, ask yourself: whose voice is this? Maybe it belongs to your mother, a teacher, a former partner?
Third, don’t try to silence it with positive affirmations—sit in the fire.
When pain rises, when you want to shut down, hide, stop feeling—it’s important to stay with it, to endure it, to live through it. The pain of rejection, shame, fear, heaviness. Only by facing it—not avoiding it—can you come out on the other side, where there is silence, peace, and your own voice.
I work with this through the body. Through how these words feel physically. Where are they stuck? What does the body want to do? Freeze, shrink, disappear? Or finally move, break free, reclaim its space?
This isn’t about fighting. It’s not about forcing yourself. It’s about choice: to keep living with someone else’s voice or to find your own.
Do you have phrases in your head that don’t sound like your own voice? Do you know where they came from?
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